So I’ve been totally neglecting this ridiculous-hate me if you must-site. And here’s why; I just lost interest, the provocatives and negatives are unbarring in my state of mind. I’ve been more lost that ever and even though I can come to relate in many, upon many, of the posts I’ve come across tonight, I just don’t care. I don’t have that urge to reblog anything. Nothing comes to me as a need to be know by the strangers of the world. I’ve shut myself down essentially, my social anxiety gets worse and worse because I can’t find myself to trust anyone enough to open up to, even if they’ve done no wrong to me. If every person I’ve befriended in the past has put me under, why bother? Why open myself up for yet another failure, I’ve given up. No matter what I do, it’s never enough. I talk myself out of going places with people because what if I get my hopes up and it’s a one day friendship? Like, they hangout with me once and never again because they see what everyone else had seen and just stop. I wish I knew what it is, I’d change it in a heartbeat. What I wouldn’t do to have one friendship. Just one, where it’s simple and happy, I’ve had a few before all ending in horrible friend break ups, I just can’t handle it. I’m distant even to myself. I just wish I could start over. Somewhere new, but nothing is ever easy. Never that simple. It’s just life and I’m here watching it pass by.